Sunday, June 10, 2012

Michael Moore: An Anti-Love Story

Michael Moore's Oscar's acceptance speech for his documentary Bowling for Columbine- is Hollywood actually booing an obnoxious liberal?? Why I neva!

In 2004, I was 12 years old. This was also the year that the film that uncovered the "conspiracy of 9/11" came out. Despite being only 12, I was quite mature for my age so my parents took me out one evening and let me see my very first rated R movie in the theaters. I remember it like it was yesterday: Little me stood there in line for tickets at the Magnolia theater in West Village in my little crop pants and brand new pink tank top from Limited Too that had a sassy cat emblazoned on the front with the words "Purrrrrfect" written in cursive script beneath it. (I was a cocky kid) I looked like I was ready to go see Finding Nemo. But no- I was going to see Fahrenheit 9/11. I sincerely believe that had my parents not taken me to see this film that the trajectory of my life would be drastically different. Walking out of that theater I knew that my ideas about politics and the liberal media had been irrevocably shaped and that I wanted to be part of the political machine. Of course, it was not until my foray into the arena during the 2008 presidential campaign that I really discovered just how passionate I was about politics and social change. Had I not been instilled with this message so early on, by the time I reached college I probably would have buckled to my dad's demands that I get a business degree. I would have been miserable. Michael Moore; I hate you but thank you.

Michael Moore: You know him and you probably hate him. He is the director of such films as Fahrenheit 911, Sicko and Bowling for Columbine. He is repugnant in every sense of the word. In recent memory, he is thought to be the quintessential left wing liberal with socialist ideologies seething from every pore of his pasty, portly body. Moore, upon initial inspection, seems to be simply a man that brings out the Marshall Eriksen slapping abilities in a vast majority of the American population regardless of political affiliation,  but further investigation uncovers that he is actually a combination of a working class, unionized upbringing and an insecure, narcissistic personality. Why is he on all the covers of his movies? If I were him I'd only be on camera if they put a shadow on my face or pixelated it...

Michael Moore was born in Flint, Michigan in 1954 to a working class family family deeply rooted in both General Motors and  the corresponding unions. Raised Roman Catholic, Moore still claims he is affiliated with the church but is in dissent on some issues such as same-sex marriage and abortion (surprise surprise). Following the Columbine shootings, Moore became a member of the NRA with the hope that he would be able to rise in its ranks to president and eventually dismantle it. However after realizing that this ascension and subsequent destruction of the group would necessitate more than the energy necessary for a walk to the refrigerator, he gave up hope citing it as too difficult.

Not to get bogged down by Moore's numerous positions held (both working class and in Hollywood), Moore is best known as a documentary film director with out spoken political views. He considers himself to be a "citizen of democracy" rather than a political activist (as most would label him) as he feels that he is merely speaking for the majority of Americans. Moore has in the past supported Ralph Nader and Barack Obama. He is also an open supporter of the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Basically, aside from Bill Maher this is the most annoying liberal out there. I am prepared to make that claim and stake my name on it. The following are just a few choice quotes of his:

"(Americans) are possibly the dumbest people on the planet ... in thrall to conniving, thieving, smug pr*cks. We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don't know about anything that's happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing."

"There is no terrorist threat in this country. This is a lie. This is the biggest lie we've been told."

"The Patriot Act is the first step. "Mein Kampf" -- "Mein Kampf" was written long before Hitler came to power. And if the people of Germany had done something early on to stop these early signs, when the right-wing, when the extremists such as yourself, decide that this is the way to go, if people don't speak up against this, you end up with something like they had in Germany. I don't want to get to that point."

"I think the United States, I think our government knows where (Bin Laden) is and I don't think we're going to be capturing him or killing him any time soon."

"I want him [Bush] paraded in handcuffs outside a police house as a common criminal because I don't know if there's a greater crime than taking people to war based on a lie. I've never seen anything like Bush and his people. They truly hate our constitution, our rights and liberties. They have no shame in fighting for their corporate sponsors."

Here is my beef with Moore:
Don't like capitalism? (Capitalism: A Love Story)- You're a millionaire because of it.
Don't like the American health system? (Sicko)- This is likely derived from your father's participation in unions and subsequent health care derived from his participation and your belief that it should be handed out like candy at a parade to anyone who wants it, but your alternative of socialized healthcare is idiotic on a number of levels and will be adressed in a later column. (Also you're going to be spending ALOT of the money you got from living in a capitalist society since you look like the fat guy from Austin Powers. A socialized medicine state would let your fat a** die rathe than spend the money it would take to keep you from stroking out homeboy. 
Don't like America? MOVE. You cannot say you are speaking for the American people and doing so because you love America then bash America overseas. 

**Currently watching Michael Moore Hates America- Highly recommend! 

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